A Friendly Reminder

I don't have anything profound to say today--just a simple reminder to be kind.

A week or so ago, I heard about an incident that had happened between a frustrated student and a staff member.  The student had become inpatient about a certain situation, and apparently, gave the woman with whom she'd been interacting quite a mouthful.

I began thinking about how this woman had become the brunt of a verbal lashing, when really, she was just trying to do her job.  I thought about how unfair it was to the staff member, who, from my understanding of the events, had been rather unfairly selected as the student chose her as a target to unleash her irritation.

I thought about how that student had no idea what this woman's life was like outside of their encounter, which probably lasted only several minutes long.  I thought about how, if I had been that staff member, I'd probably go home dwelling on the event, wondering what I could have done differently.  I often internalize the worst events of my day, often making them worse by replaying them over and over, trying to handle them better.  I sometimes can't let go of situations that hurt me, or situations in which I worry I caused others hurt. 

The same could be said for the student, though--who knows what she was dealing with?  I've heard it said before and I think it's worth repeating:  We're all dealing with something.  Every single person you know is either in the midst of a battle (visible or invisible), or they've just come out the other side of one.  In the rare instances where that's not the case, I imagine their numbers will be called shortly for upcoming life trials to be dispensed.  So, given that pretty much all of us are either currently dealing with, about to enter, or have just exited a difficult ordeal, doesn't it make sense that we all take a deep breath, and remember that it costs us nothing to be kind to one another?

In my life, I'm sure I've been both this student (taking out undue frustrations on whoever happens to be in front of me) and this staff member (absorbing them).  It's not fun to play either role, so I try not to let my anxieties or worries filter into daily life beyond the situations that have caused them.  I also try to remember that no one is perfect, so when I find someone being especially short with me, it's not always a personal attack.  The same rule applies in lots of situations, so I try to have a little extra grace when the cashiers aren't as friendly as I'd prefer, when the servers seem like they're struggling to keep up with a busy night, when the driver behind me passes me to cut me off, when the parent in the supermarket is fighting a losing battle with a tantrum-throwing toddler, etc., etc., etc.

Smiles aren't always expressions of happiness.  Sometimes they are the masks that hide incredible pain.  Be kind.

Clipped words, snapped responses, ignored text messages, curt glances, and even rude actions aren't always intended to be invitations to argue.  Sometimes they are side effects from dealing with grief, grappling with hardship, or being exhausted by the roller coasters of this tumultuous life.

Whenever you can, choose kindness.

A Somewhat Sappy Thank You

I had a hard time coming up with a topic to blog about this week.

Blogging, for me, is mainly an attempt to grow my fan base while also expressing myself through writing.  The fan base thing is a work in progress--while I still entertain dreams of being a successful, traditionally published author someday, I live in reality.  (Usually).  So I know the chances of that dream coming to fruition are small.

When I do receive encouragement online or in person to continue writing, I jump all over it.  I let it feed me.  I make more consistent efforts to share my writing with the world, because, well, people keep allowing me to continue.  (And by allowing me to continue, I guess I mean that no one is telling me to stop).  Also, sometimes people even praise my writing, insisting that I keep going, that I don't quit.  I'll never forget-- I was at a writing retreat a few years ago, and after having shared a couple pieces at open mics and during workshops, a stranger approached me and complimented me.  I remember blushing and stammering something about how it was the one time I was guaranteed an audience whom I could force to listen to me.  I said it as a joke, sort of, but after hundreds of rejections from literary agents, it was also a rather accurate statement. She seemed shocked that there was anyone out there who would feel differently than she did, and she reassured me that she had truly enjoyed listening to my words.

I don't say all that to fish for affirmation or gain any sympathy.  Just want to acknowledge that as a human... sometimes we need to know that what we're passionate about matters.  That someone else believes in what we do.

But the thing about writing for me, and I've mentioned this before, is that I would do it for an audience of one.  Who it is that's reading--that's rarely defined what it is I'm writing.

With blogging, however, it's different.  I'm aware of who is reading.  With my limited social media and elementary marketing skills, and all but nonexistent ability to make things look pretty... I consider myself fairly lucky that anybody comes by here at all.  :)

So I guess what I'm trying to say, really, is thank you.

Thanks for coming by my standard looking, sometimes random, little-engine-that-could-type blog.  Whether you're visiting once or often--I'm glad you're here.

Because while I would keep writing without you...

I wouldn't keep blogging.  And I know that there's nothing amazing, fancy, or even particularly practical about my little corner of the internet.

But I'm still so glad you took a few minutes to come read.  I happen to believe that someday, probably when we're face to face with Jesus, we're going to find out that those little things weren't just little things.

They were everything.

So thanks for taking a little bit of time and reading the musings of an aspiring author.  If I'm never known for my writing, I'd like to hope that I'll be remembered for my gratitude.  If not by thousands of fans, than by a few dozen supporters.  That is more than enough to fill my heart.  I've never been good at sticking with something that requires constant dedication.  Past attempts at blogging have fizzled and failed after a few months.  But this time, you've all inspire me to keep posting.

And while I couldn't come up with a good topic today, I think that actually turned out to be a good thing.  Because in my opinion, the world would be a way better place if we paused and thanked the people around us a little more often.

I appreciate each and every view I get.  And if you're reading this, I want you to know--I'm praying for you.  I don't believe in accidents.  I stopped believing in coincidences when I really found my faith, when I realized that Jesus wasn't just a guy who died on a cross a long time ago-- I discovered that He is a real, living, loving God who wants a personal relationship with me, and with you.  So wherever you're sitting, whoever you are, and whatever you're doing--I think that even in the small things, God doesn't believe in wasted time or insignificant moments.  I think it all matters, and I think you're reading these words because God put it on your to-do list today.  I know that even when we don't plan on things... God does.  I believe He wants to bless us even beyond the wildest dreams we have for ourselves.  So I thank you for coming here today, because I believe you are a part of the dream God has planted in my heart.  I want to pray that your dreams, whatever they are, are coming true for you.  Because while you've blessed me by stopping by, I pray that the greater blessing is for you.  That maybe you read something you needed to read today--not because I am an awesome writer.  But because I know a truly awesome God.  I pray for your health, and the health of those you love.  I pray for peace and joy in your life, and in your faith.

And a million times over--

I thank you.

Valentines Day Blues?

I've always loved Valentines Day.  It never really bothered me when I was single (at least not too much, anyway), because I've found that whether or not you're in a relationship with a significant someone, hopefully there are plenty of other people worthy of celebration in your life to whom you can show your love and appreciation.

Mine went particularly well this year--my number one Valentine and I have been on and off for years (gulp, nearly fourteen!!), and this was our second one "back together." And while it was more family themed than passionately romantic, we had a lovely experience that included dinner out and chocolates for everyone, our eight-year-old daughter included.

I went to bed feeling very loved and blessed and thankful for the people God has given me to love.

And then, I woke up to rejection, getting a taste of what some of the poor, awkward middle-schoolers I chaperoned at yesterday's heart-plastered holiday dance go through on the daily.  Checking my email, I felt especially keenly why the bitter, lonely, or amused and disgruntled have decidedly declared yesterday "Singles Awareness Day":

I woke up to a form rejection from an agent, who was declining to represent the short story collection she'd requested to read in full a couple weeks ago.

Rejection is a part of the publishing game, so it's not especially disheartening.  Writing and reading are subjective, and what one person enjoys, another does not.  This one did hurt though, not just because it happened the morning after Valentines Day, but because the querying process had BEGUN on such a high note.

I'd only sent out five letters in search of an agent when I received a very positively worded (but probably form) request to read the rest of the manuscript.  It was the very first response I'd received, so I was at a 100% request rate (short lived as it was).  I was feeling quite excited and encouraged.

But, such is life.

So what, I was rejected the day after Valentines Day. (I won't give the exact details, but while the letter certainly wasn't cruel, it was also a far fetch from a kind declination, which are also blessings to an extent, because at least they tend to praise aspects of the work and give legitimate reasons for passing).

I can think of many other highlights (lowlights?) that both pertain to my writing and other endeavors in life.  I might not be the girl who gets dumped (by a boyfriend, not an agent) the day after Valentines Day, but I am  (or have been) all of the following:

• The girl who got dumped on her front step on the exact day I'd bought my prom dress.
• The girl who received yet another rejection letter from a submission of a full manuscript (this one on my most recently completed fiction novel) from an agent on her birthday.
• The girl who was very excited to receive a third place medal upon finishing her very first five mile race. (Come to find out, there were only three runners in my age group.  Fail.)
• The girl who, out of all drivers to collide with on the road at any given moment, managed to rear-end the superintendent of the school district I was employed with at the time.

Yes, I'm no stranger to rejection, bad luck, and crappy timing.

 But, I'm still a believer. 

I believe in love, and also believed it was out there before I'd experienced it.

I believe in putting in one hundred percent, even if you finish last.

I believe that good can come out of even the lousiest of situations.

I believe in the God who loves us all, who gave us a gift far greater than chocolate, flowers, or jewelry, in the salvation found in His one and only son, Jesus Christ.  And I believe in the talents and desires God has blessed me with and planted in my heart.

So I'll keep writing, because while the publishing industry isn't exactly fighting over me yet, I don't do what I do for them.

I do it for me, my God, my family, and my friends.

And if I happen to pick up some more fans along the way, that would be fabulous.

But whether you're being dumped at the prom, celebrating marital bliss at a 25th anniversary, or anywhere in between...  Whether your dream is on the verge of coming true, or you're not yet brave enough to whisper it out loud...

You have to own it.

You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.  Seeking your own validation through someone else will always lead to heartbreak, if your happiness is dependent upon some definition of who you are through someone else's eyes.

I think writing is like that.  I see myself as a great writer.  I don't mean to brag about it.  Not everyone will agree, and not everyone should agree, because we all have different tastes as readers.  But I write what I love to read. Because my writing brings me joy, I believe my words have the power to reach others in the same way.  But even if they didn't, no audience or publisher or agent could ever convince me that I'm not a writer.

So for me, I just keep writing, taking the rejections in stride. 

I had to be happy with who I was, seeing myself the way God saw me, before I could ever really learn to be happy in a romantic relationship.  I am so thankful to God and my Rashieme, that we are very happily treasuring each other, in the adventure that is our day to day relationship.  But it didn't happen over night.  We each had much to realize on our own before God could bring us back together.

And though I'm currently single in the author-agent realm, I still see myself as the writer I think God created me to be, knowing that if no one else ever read another word I wrote, that would be okay.  So because of that, I believe, God will take care of the rest.  I think He will bring success in His own time.

And if He doesn't?

Well, I wrote some pretty cool stuff trying. 

So whatever your dreams and passions are, I hope you don't allow anyone else to fizzle them out.  I hope you love yourself, embrace your gifts, and most of all, I pray you know the God who blessed you with them.  No matter who is rejecting you, there is One who loved you so much, He declared His affections before you were even born.  He spoke you into motion, loving each detail about you, designing each and every detail to his exact specification and liking.

You are beautiful just the way you are.  Embrace your talents, love your life, and give it everything you've got.

Happy Valentines Day, everyone.  Or better yet:  Happy So-What-You-Were-Once-Rejected Day. 

Don't look back.  Just look up.