True Tales of a Wacky Wedding Rehearsal...

Pop Quiz:

Which of the following happened during our wedding rehearsal?

A)  We locked the groom's mother out of his house without her keys or purse ten minutes before rehearsal began.
B)  The matron of honor got lost trying to find the ceremony venue.
C) The bride's phone died and the groom left his at the house, meaning the bride and groom had no idea how to get to the rehearsal dinner location, being as it was a restaurant (an amazing restaurant, by the way) located tucked away in the vast middle of nowhere known as Hurlock, Maryland.
D) The bridal party discovered they had no working electricity to try out music for the rehearsal, since it had not been turned on at their outdoor location.
E)  The bride's mother got stung by a bee on her foot as she returned to her seat after walking the bride down the aisle, prompting her to scream at the top of her lungs and kick off her shoe, sending it sailing across the park and smacking the boyfriend of the maid of honor.
F)  The bride's brother's girlfriend (who is allergic to bees) was also stung.
G) All of the above.

If you answered G, you're probably thinking, she's gotta be making some of this stuff up.  This doesn't happen in real life.

Well, if you're Jenny Meister...

it does.

So you would be correct in answering G.

But here's the thing:  the rehearsal was far from perfect, just as my fiancé and I are far from perfect.  But we are in this, no matter what.  So even if bees swarm our wedding (they sprayed), or the electricity doesn't come on (they promised it would) or I trip and go falling down the aisle (I hope I won't), or we drop the rings in the Choptank River (they're insured)...

I am still getting married tomorrow.

To the love of my life and my best friend.

The father of our daughter, our protector and provider.  The one who keeps me safe and tells me I am loved.

And at the end of the day, each other are all we really need.

Now having said that, it looks like God is blessing us with beautiful weather.  I pray all who are attending travel safe.  I pray that the catastrophic every day crazy that likes to follow me around chills out for a bit.

"This is going to sound like fiction" is my brand name.  It's the little catch phrase that describes my quirky, strange-but-I-swear-it's-true humor writing.

As I was relating the wedding rehearsal woes to a friend, she laughed, and said, "That's so Meister!"

Funnily enough, I'm even listed under her phone contacts as Meister.

But here's the thing:

As of tomorrow, I'll be a McFadden.

And while I'm sure the true tales of every day crazy will continue, what I really want for tomorrow is for the only crazy but true story to be of how much we love each other.

And no matter what else does or does not happen, I know that's what I'll remember.

Happy Wedding Eve, E'rrybody!!!

Rehearsal Dinner was a blast, even if rehearsal wasn't exactly what one would call smooth sailing...

An Age Old Question Addressed...

Do Blondes Really Have More Fun?

So I got my hair done this weekend!

I was way overdue for a trim and some color.  Like, to the point that my roots were something ridiculous.  But last time I got my hair done, my stylist Margaret put in highlights and lowlights, so as it grew out, I told myself that maybe that hombre look was still in, and went on my merry business, because with the winter I had, neither time nor extra finances came easily.

But with our wedding fast approaching, I had decided that I needed to make sure of what I wanted before the big day.  I was pretty confident that I'd prefer to get married as the more natural brunette version of myself.  But blonde and I go way back, too.  I was a blonde as a kid.  I was a blonde when Shieme met me.  I was a blonde when we began dating.  So yesterday, I went pretty blonde:

 

*Photo credit to Margaret Lazaro of Cutting Edge Designs in Delmar, Delaware.  If you're in the area, please go check them out!  Not only do they have amazing stylists such as Margaret, they offer extremely competitive, reasonable prices on all services, including tanning!  (If you go check them out, please mention me--Jenny Meister--and let me know you listed me as a referral, because I can earn goodies such as free tanning and reduced prices on salon services!  Then you can refer your friends and earn free stuff, too!)

 

By the way, please don't judge the "Before" picture too harshly.  While I'm as guilty (if not guiltier) as the next girl of a few bad hair days, this picture was taken directly after a rather intense running workout, and my natural curls had been rocking a pony tail that morning.  :)

So I love the blonde, but I'm glad I did it now, in celebration of summer.  When I go in again just before our wedding, I'll ask for highlights and lowlights that look more subtle with my natural light brown color, as opposed to a root touch up on this Barbie look.  While I think it's very pretty, I feel like my signature look in my thirties should be to rock a more natural looking hair style.  Plus, my headpiece for my veil is a beautiful pearl design that will stand out better if it contrasts with brown, as opposed to blends in with blonde.

Still, I adore the color and am very blessed to have found a hair stylist who can give me what I want no matter what I ask for.  For this point in my life though, I've decided that,

1) Blondes don't really have more fun.  People who want to have fun, have fun.
2) Blondes aren't any dumber than anybody else.  The ditzy blonde actually comes in all hair colors.  You only need about a ten minute interaction with general humanity to figure this one out.

I've been playing with hair color for years, because, well... why not?  It's fun.  It's amazing how much you can change your look with a good cut and color.  Every time I visit Margaret, I come back refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to take on the world.  With a good cut and color, a confident woman could single handedly take over whatever she felt like!  Here was Shieme's reaction:

Shieme: "You look like a cougar."
Me:  "I do??"
Kaliah:  "No she doesn't."
Shieme:  "She doesn't know what a cougar is."  (To which I thought, well, I'd hope not!)
Me:  "So I look older?"
Shieme:  "Older and richer.  Kaliah, doesn't Mommy look like she has money?  Like, a few hundred dollar bills in her purse? You look like you left to go to the bank, and came back after you bought the bank!"

So I may not own a million bucks, but at least I feel like I do!

Mad props to all the hair stylists out there that make their clients feel like a million dollars!

Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid

In the name of love (or pride, or a desire to not lose, or any other number of things), people can do some pretty stupid stuff. 

Case in point:  Yesterday, my family and I were spending some quality time at Martinak State Park, a lovely wooded area resting on the Choptank River, where Rashieme and I plan on getting married this summer.  This quiet state park features trees and shade and sunshine and trails and, to my daughter's delight, several playgrounds.  We were checking out each one as we had spent the day with Shieme's mom and were now just a few hours away from a meeting with a local restaurant owner, whose establishment we were checking out as a possible venue for a reception location.  Knowing we were having this meeting, I had opted to wear a sundress and cloth slip-on flats.

Being that I was dressed up, I opted out of Rashieme and Kaliah's game of tag at the first playground, which began with hysterical laughter and blissful joy and then eventually ended in tears because, much like her mommy, Kaliah does not like to lose.  We ventured on to the second playground which featured a tall spiral slide that looked promising, but unfortunately was not all that slippery, and Kaliah slid down with a dismal look on her face that made it clear that she'd rather be practicing fractions.  So off we went to the third location, where we discovered a completely in-tact piece of playground equipment that featured several different entrances/exits:  slides, monkey-bar style extensions, a rock climbing wall, etc.

Kaliah immediately came up with the idea of an obstacle course.  She explained that we would have to each take a turn using each of the "exits" and whoever could successful exit all avenues of the equipment the fastest would be declared the winner.  I certainly wasn't dressed for it, but what can I say?  One should never underestimate the power of stupid.  I'd like to claim that I did it out of my love for my child and desire to bond with her and spend quality time making memories.

But the truth is, I probably just wanted to win.

For those of you who don't know me, I am stupid competitive.

So her daddy yelled go, and off we went.  On the very first small slide, I struggled to keep my skirt covering everything it should cover, then scrambled back to the steps of the main entrance to navigate the next exit.  Despite my shaky start, Kaliah and I were neck and neck.  My long legs worked to my advantage, as did my height, when it came to jumping from certain points instead of climbing down.

We were maybe two minutes in, both running out of breath, both laughing and scampering about, and I was down to one remaining obstacle.  But first I had to re-enter the equipment.  Seeing that my daughter was already on the main entrance, (the steps), and deciding to go around her and cut in front of her, I opted to climb a short slide instead of race around, putting myself behind her.  As I jumped on the slide and began striding upwards, I immediately realized the error of my ways, as my cloth shoes had absolutely no traction and I began slipping back down, like a surfer skimming a wave.  I tried to stop the momentum, but somehow my legs got tangled up and I went sailing over backwards, falling with a resounding thud, as I crashed down on my legs, back, and shoulder, head clunking down into the stupid wood shavings that always line these kinds of play ground.

"Alright, you're done," Daddy the referee announced, shaking his head as he strode over to help me up.  Meanwhile Kaliah was shrieking in amazement and I was laughing so hard I was almost crying.  Rashieme pulled me to my feet, and both of them went to work brushing the wood chips from my sweater, dress, and hair.

"We've got a meeting in an hour.  'What happened to her?' 'Playground accident?'" Rashieme demanded, rolling his eyes.

"But I was doing so good," I protested.  "I think I was winning."

Clearly, I wasn't.  Not after the Cloth-Shoe-Sliding-Board-Fall.

Lesson Learned:  When you're trying to beat the pants off your kid at some outdoor activity, wear sneakers.

And maybe a helmet.

And something other than a dress with granny panties underneath.

For the record, Rashieme and Kaliah went next.  With the aid of sneakers and pants (as opposed to a skirt), Rashieme beat her by a landslide.  He didn't even need the helmet.

Happy Presidents Day!

To celebrate, Rashieme and I challenged each other to a President Naming Contest.  This is not unlike the "Name All The States Game" that makes you want to rip out every strand of hair on your head because, if you're like most people, you can name somewhere between 37 and 48, and you spend the rest of your day feeling like a complete idiot.

Rashieme and I fared even worse with Presidents, though he did better than I did.  He came up with 28 (though if spelling counted, he would have had significantly fewer, and I think I would have came from behind for the win).  The only name I contested on his list was Phil.  He was going for President Fillmore (who had the unfortunate first name Millard).

I came up with 26, but Rashieme pointed out that "Calvin" was never a President, but rather, the first name of President Coolidge (whom I only remembered because he hailed from Vermont, a state I wrote a report on in the sixth grade).  Also, he eliminated Benjamin Franklin from my list on the grounds that he, also, was not a President (so, why, I demand, is he on the 100 dollar bill??)  Apparently, Russell and Mayfield are also not presidents, even though they are the names of streets in my Mommom's neighborhood where I thought all the streets were named after presidents (including Cleveland, the street she lives on, which successfully made its way to my list and not Rashieme's).

So the final count was Rashieme, 27, Jenny, 22.

We both missed just about everybody in between Lincoln and the Great Depression.

We did get Garfield, who Kaliah thought we made up.

I was most proud of finally remembering Carter, who I knew was a peanut farmer named Jimmy from Georgia, but his last name alluded me until the last possible moment.

So if you have nothing better to do today, challenge a loved one or friend to the Name All the Presidents Game, and see who earns bragging rights.

Then come back to check out these fun President Facts I googled last night:

1.  Washington was not only the first President, but he was, apparently, a super successful liquor distributor, producing both whiskey and brandy in his own distillery.

2.  Both Jefferson and Adams are said to have visited William Shakespeare's home and broken off pieces of Will's chair to bring home as souvenirs.

3.  Martin Van Buren is credited with adding the word "okay" to our lexicons.

4.  John Tyler had 15 children.

5.  Fillmore became his first wife's husband after having been her student.  That's right, a teacher-student relationship later evolved into a legitimate, presidential marriage.  Not bad for a guy named Millard.

6.  Abraham Lincoln was a beast in the wrestling ring.  He lost only once in an estimated 300 matches.

7.  LBJ supposedly whipped out a certain organ (which he called "Jumbo") during a Cabinet meeting.

8.  Calvin Coolidge enjoyed breakfast in bed while having his head massaged with petroleum jelly.

9.  Grant smoked at least 20 cigars a day on average.  Unsurprisingly, he died of throat cancer.

10.  Taft, the largest president in history, once got himself stuck in the White House bathtub and required the assistance of his advisers in removing himself from the situation.

For more fun presidential facts, check out these sources, which provided all of the above tidbits, and have many more random, hilarious pieces of information to brighten your day and add to your infinite bank of useless trivia:

21 Shocking Facts About U.S. Presidents
44 Obscure Facts You Didn't Know About U.S. Presidents