36 has an interesting vibe to it. I'm still young in the general scheme of things, but I'm also on the other side of "middle life," if you figure we get approximately seventy years on the planet. As I'm thinking about my time on the third rock from the sun, I am mostly reflecting on how blessed I am. I have an amazing husband, beautiful daughters, a caring and supportive extended family, a teaching career that I love... Plus, I live at the beach.
Who could want for more? Jesus already solved the biggest problem I'll ever have. I enjoy great health, good food, a fun family.
The area of my life that is furthest from where I wish it was? My writing life. In a way, I've accomplished more in writing than I ever thought I would. I've written a dissertation. My writing has unlocked the door for me to be called doctor. I've been published in a scholarly journal, and I've traveled to Illinois, Western Maryland, Pennsylvania, New York, and even London to discuss my academic writing.
On the creative side of things, I connect with hundreds of readers instantly when I click publish on this page, a phenomenon that I never would have imagined possible when I was growing up and writing in spiral notebooks. I've written three novel-length works to date. That's sort of impressive, too, even if they aren't enjoyed by the masses. I'm such a procrastinator, my entire house has never been fully cleaned within the same month, but somehow, little old me wrote three books?
Killing it.
But still, the little girl in 4th grade who wrote "The Christmas Tree Mystery," a lyrical poem that was my first actual publication, courtesy of our local paper, The Wave, still dreams of being a published novelist. The girl who sat in creative non-fiction class fifteen years ago and read "I expect to see your name in print someday" written on the bottom of her final paper?
That girl wants validation.
Thus, even as I continue to seek traditional publication, I stop and reflect on lessons learned so far from my writing life. I'm not where I want to be, yet, but I've also accomplished so much I never considered possible. So in honor of my 36th birthday, here are the first of 36 Thoughts on Writing. Hopefully they'll encourage some other writers out there.
1. You are a writer. This was the point that was always driven home to me by The Eastern Shore Writing Project, and I am so thankful to have heard it again and again in that context. It's good advice for anyone who wants to be a writer. If you are writing, you are a writer. Simple as that. Your publication status, the opinions of others, and even your own doubts have nothing to do with it. You are a writer.
2. Writing while mom-ing is hard work. This one probably sounds like a duh. But I can remember listening to one novelist who explained that she began writing when her son was born and her traditional career was put on hold. She was at home everyday, and she began writing while he napped. Oh, how I wish it worked that way for me! I was never the mom who naps when the baby naps, but I also don't accomplish anything else while my children are asleep. I take a few moments to just be, and that's ok, too. For me, admitting it's not easy to do much else while being a mother is helpful. Motherhood is the most important job I'll ever do, and lofty literary aspirations have to take a back seat. They just do.
3. Writing dreams can sit in the backseat. But they need a seat somewhere. Having said that writing while mom-ing is hard work, don't kick writing out of your life altogether! (Whether for you, the challenge is mom-ing, or working, or dad-ing, or schooling, or wife-ing, or whatever!) I write because I love it, because I need to, because I'm a better me for doing it. When I don't write (which does happen), sometimes the world doesn't turn upside down. But, I miss it. So for me, it's about making time. In the summer, my schedule is pretty relaxed, but I still try to beat my family up every day and write a few pages. When I was working on my last book, and I had to finish it? I set an alarm at 5 a.m. everyday and wrote five pages. Doesn't matter where you get it in, just get it in.
4. Querytracker.net is a great website. That's it! But if you're a writer who didn't know it existed, now you do. You're welcome. :) It's a fantastic resource for writers who want to connect with agents and/or publishers.
5. Revision is your friend. I have a love/hate relationship with revising. There are times when I've hated being forced to go back through a draft. There have been lucky moments when I've written some truly strong first drafts, and haven't really needed to revise. These moments inflated my already-too-big-ego and made me think that I'm a better writer than I really am... and what I've learned through the dissertation process is that revision really does lead to stronger writing, regardless of who you are and how good your first draft was.
6. Rejection does not define you. I've been rejected from agents more times than I can remember (although if I really wanted to depress myself, I could pull up my old excel spreadsheets as well as my current ones and give you a number). But, I am not a poor writer. My manuscripts were not necessarily even poor manuscripts. They just weren't right for those particular agents at the particular times I pitched them. It took the Chicago Cubs 108 years to win a World Series. I've already spent about ten years trying to get published, so, I figure if I keep at it... only 98 more years to go!
But seriously... agented or not, published or not, see number 1. I am a writer.
For more lessons on writing and life (from an unpublished, unagented author who stubbornly refuses to give up), look for the sequel to this blog post coming soon!
The writing starter kit: Location you love. Coffee. Laptop. Plethora of papers (notes, printed copies of earlier drafts, what have you). Optional: Hot Mama Boots.
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